Autism Awareness Month

April is autism awareness month. I've been working on a song for years about it, and worked on it recently. Just thought I would share it from a mother's point of view how it can feel....but am SO happy JJ has had so much help, and we count our blessings everyday for it could have been much worse from the start. We are happy and well. JJ is doing great and even starting to read. Love to all! Jen


Common Thing

He doesn’t say much does he
He doesn’t play much with other kids does he
Well I never caught on to that so early on
At 2 years old a little bit shy seems normal to me

So we took him for a free evaluation
And they asked all sorts of questions
Thanks for bringing him today
I guess there is no easy way to say
We’ve found a few delays

CHORUS:
You never know it’s such a common thing
So much information and confusion that it brings
Is there no feeling just the fate of silent prison
Well if they can almost duplicate a whole person
Can’t we cut through the confusion of autism

Now every day a little bus comes up over that hill
We walk down the stairs and I say a little prayer
Those deep brown eyes
And that blank stare
I hear them I swear sayin’
Never doubt me, or what I can be

But what happened to taking walks and toy trucks
And lookin’ in our eyes
Now I’m always on the phone feeling so alone
Just tryin’ to find out why
Our money’s spent before the next month’s rent
And the cost of therapy is so high

CHORUS

My baby, he’s so young
Do you think maybe I did something wrong
No recognition, no hesitation in the face of danger
How on earth do I swallow all of my anger
Can we find out what it’s all about
Oh God hear our prayers for all those families out there

Old Pictures...

Here's some pictures that Cindy attached in a recent email:

Above is the whole family in 1964.

Memories of Pam...

I was so thankful to Grace for asking her grandpa about Pamela, because it brought so many wonderful responses from those who knew Pam best. After reading them, I wished so much that I could have known her in this life, but I know that we all will be able to be with her again. I hope that when that time comes, that she will be proud of me and how I've lived. When Kathryn was born, I thought about her and my other grandparents that perhaps they gave her a little pep talk before she came. Because of all of your words and memories, I feel closer to her and hope that you all do, too. Here are the remarks as well as some pictures. Enjoy!

Ed, Jr.:

Pamela was born a minute or two after my brother Mark was born - they were TTWWIINNSS!!!! GGPa Ed and GGMa Irene had no idea they were having twins, but it turned out to be a wonderful surprise!!!

Pamela was a very outgoing, thoughtful and friendly to everyone, which made her a popular girl. She is also very beautiful, with a head of thick curly hair, as you can see from the attached photo of Mark and Pam. Sometimes her hair was twice as long as in that picture! Pamela was attending Brigham Young University when Stephanie was born. How she loved to come to our basement apartment and play with her!!! Pamela was called home to Heavenly Father when she died in a snowmobile accident while visiting Soda Springs Idaho, with her roommates's family. It was a very sad time for all of us. What got us through it was the knowledge that our family has been sealed for time and all eternity in the Logan, Utah temple of our Lord Jesus Christ. Pam was buried in Greenwich, NY not far from the farm where we had our family reunion last June, 2008. Her cemetery headstone is inscribed with one of her favorite sayings: I AM NOT AFRAID OF TOMORROW, FOR I HAVE SEEN YESTERDAY, AND I LOVE TODAY.

I see many of Pam's good traits in my daughters and their children. Someday when we each have to leave this earth, we will get to hug her again.

Cindy:

Pam was fun loving. She loved to sew, loved being fashionable, dressing up, music and dancing. She loved her friends and her friends loved her. She also was very close to her twin. Her missionary work was shared freely and she was taking a missionary prep class before she died. I truly believe she was using her class information as soon as she crossed the veil, especially with our middle eastern ancestors and family there. She was always a very positive influence on everyone and her YW leaders loved her because she loved and respected them.When no one else would say prayers and or participate in the youth group and really treated the leaders poorly, she stood up for them and confidently shared her love of the Savior, and her love of all people. She was beautiful on the inside as well as the outside. She was a hard act to follow when it came to socializing. She really enjoyed BYU and she & Karen were also very close. I remember her rubbing my back and further back, changing her diapers.

Mark:

It was great being Aunt Pam's twin brother. I learned a lot from her. When we were very young, I was the selfish one and would want whatever she had and she was the smart non-confrontational twin who just handed over whatever it was I was wining about to shut me up. I guess you could say I had something to do with (not intentionally) teaching her her good people skills!

As we got older, she would avoid an argument by simply walking away and sometimes saying that if I wanted to discuss things maturely, then she'd talk. She was also very practical and would simply state her position in a kind manner (unless I really needed it "right between the eyes" so to speak). One of those kind times was when I was long faced and sulking on our way home from early AM seminary after I found out that a girl in our ward turned me down for a youth invitational dance for a more handsome, debonair, and older young man: you're other great uncle---Lincoln! It wasn't so bad that it was Lincoln but I had to deal with the rejection. Aunt Pamela looked at me in the car and said, "Mark, you've got Liz written all over your face. Please don't put yourself through any added stress or sadness about something you can't control."

Another less friendly practical advise moment I'll always remember as a great leaning moment from my twin, was when I decided to stay out at Ricks College (now BYU-Idaho) after graduating and touring the U.S. with our Rick's performing group. I wanted to make money there and live in Idaho until I had to come home and leave on my mission. I wrote my parents and the family and told them that the Berry's lived out there (friend's from Foxboro Ward) and I could have them act as guardians or help me out if I needed, while out there. I got this almost scathing letter like slapping me upside the head trying to talk sense into my unthinking skull. She basically said something like: "what right do you have to take this time away from your parents and us your family in not spending this precious time helping you get ready for your mission?? And by the way, no one can take the place of your parents or family. To me, this seems like a selfish think to do and I am asking you to rethink this (in other words get on your way home)."

Then she softened it up at the end telling me she loved me. How could I not see the error in my judgement? We also had a lot of fun together and she at times, believe it or not, as good as she really was and obedient, had some of her own rebellious streaks-nothing serious; just small stuff. The other wonderful character trait she had was that she was a loyal and true friend who treated her friends so well. Actually, everyone who met Pamela loved her. However, not at the expense of standing up for true principles like honesty, integrity, and moral cleanliness nor would she allow anyone to walk over her. She was that wonderful twin sister that allowed me my space and freedom of choice, yet in her own way told me "where to get off" (my train). I owe her a lot. She was a good dancer, crafty artsy type doing painting and decoupage, etc.

I had to cry when I read your Ed's remarks because it brought up good memories and the joy of the promise of being an eternal family (all of us). That's the sweet that off-sets the severity of the bitter and sting of the death/passing of a loved one or friend. Pam's character was something I would hold up as a measuring stick, at times, to others to help me judge properly for myself whether in choosing friends or in general. I also see so much of her in my and Robyn's own children especially our daughter Annaliese. Her vibrant, radiant personality, loyalty to friends, practical yet positive outlook on everything, has lighted our family and home. Pamela was told in a blessing that she would throughout her "life", be a help and great influence on the youth. And I can see her influence in may of her extended family as well.

When my grandpa called me last Friday night and said he'd be coming through town the next day I was SO excited!! We had a ward talent show scheduled for Saturday night, and I knew he would get such a KICK out of it! My girlfriends and I opened the show as the Lake Mary Rapper Chicks doing the "Mormon Rap." I bee bopped in the back with my homemade record table. It pretty much rocked! Dave and I sang Jim Brickman's "Destiny", and Rachel sang a great little pop song from LOL. We supported her as her back up dancers. It was SO stinkin' fun. Grandpa raved about it, especially Rachel's budding voice. She was right on the whole time. It actually shocked me. I didn't know she would be able to memorize the song and learn it in time but she surprised us all.

Sunday we went to church and had nice meetings. Especially in Primary when Grandpa sat with Rachel and she said...."My grandpa knows the answer! He's 80 years old!" Oops. He laughed pretty hard at that one, as we all did. I lead the music there now instead of teaching so it was fun having Grandpa visit us there. After church we had a nice dinner and headed out to Altamonte Springs Crane's Roost Park where we love to hang out. It is just beautiful any time of year, no other way to put it. JJ got all wet in the fountain as usual and ran around like the energizer bunny. The choreographed fountain shows are fun to watch. We got a lot of great pictures while he was here so I posted some of those. We pretty much had a "who can make the silliest face contest", and as usual Grandpa wins hands down!!

This morning Grandpa and I walked to the kids to the bus stop. Then we gave him a haircut, mostly to save his dignity with Rachel and all her hairbow torture she inflicted on him yesterday! Afterward, we met Dave for lunch at Olive Garden and had a wonderful time. They were exceptionally fast and the food was very fresh and hot which I can't always say about Olive Garden, but today was special I guess. Gramps also graciously took me to get this cool cordless sweep vac thing to get rid of all the little hairs on the floor I try to get with my broom when I cut hair. I hope it works great, it has to charge for the next 20 hours before I can try it out. Finally we came home and crashed. Dave and Grandpa caught up with the superbowl he recorded, and they had a great time watching it - fast forwarding to the 4th quarter which was really great. I'll be sad to see him leave tomorrow morning, he is so much fun to have around. Love you Gramps!

Wrong Text Color...

My favorite blog background web site isn't working, so I used a different one to find this new background. Problem is that I can't (for some really strange reason) make the text a darker color for us to be able to see it better. I'll have to come back to it and try again later. So I know it's hard to read, but bear with me and I'll get it fixed soon. Thanks for your patience!

Merry Christmas...Happy New Year

We hope you all had a Merry Christmas. We had a great time here in Florida. I actually let the kids go to the pool on Christmas Eve. The water was cold, but the outside weather was great. They shivered as they got out and hopped in the hottub back and forth to the pool. We haven't been swimming since October before that day. I here there is plenty of snow this year in UT. I hope no one got stuck in a blizzard yet this year. That is one of the most scary experiences I have ever had the two times that has happened to me while driving. Not having a white Christmas was one of the weirdest experiences I've had, but I guess I'll get used to it. When it was over we Spring Cleaned our house thanks to Dave. I think it all started as just getting the mold off the shower curtain and the next thing I know he is disinfecting the garbage cans. Which alien replaced him the night before I haven't a clue, but I was his biggest chearleader and by the end of the day I was so grateful. Dave is a seriously great cleaner.

Our tree went to the dumpster the day after Christmas which I've also never done before. It was a real one this year, so maybe I'd had enough of sweeping up the needles I don't know. It looked pretty good, but I was happy to see half off on the ornaments and ribbons, tree skirts, etc at home depot so I could get those for next year. We also went caroling this year, but only to one house. But we did it! We also had our traditional appetizer dinner Christmas Eve with new recipes this year that rocked. We all helped cook them and I think that was the funnest part. After dinner we went to see the lights at city hall that were awesome! All mostly wrapped up and around palm trees! The temple square experience without freezing your tail off! We opened one present each and headed for bed.

The kids were very excited that Santa seems to know them so well. Rachel had a very short list this year, and so she got several surprises. She kept saying she didn't know how Santa knew her so well to pick out such great surprises. JJ was more concerned about who left the Christmas tree lights on and why. Then he wanted to know why there Rachel's bike was in the house because we're not allowed to bring bikes in the house.....until he realized it was his!

Dave continues to enjoy working for AHS. I made some appetizers for his lunch Christmas potluck that were a big hit. This year has been so great in making up for some of my past cooking flops. It felt good. You must try Marci's mint brownie recipe with Breyer's mint chocolate chip ice cream, and cashew chicken. Yum! So now it's time to work of the few extra pounds I probably gained. Dave also enjoyed his gift from me, a snorkeling adventure with the manatees. He had a great time with Captain Jo they call him. Dave got me an ipod for Christmas. I'm a few years behind the rest of you all, but they are fun to have. On Sunday the Primary President asked me if 'd rather continue on as a teacher or lead the music. Our chorister moved so we can all guess what I'd rather do. So unless they release me for Sacrament meeting I'm doing both. Not what I'd prefer but until they decide to change it that's the deal. The kids are doing well, here are some of the highlights.

JJ: Last week had the dreaded "I love dresses and skirts and must be wearing one" illness. It was a tough one to kick but seems to be feeling fine this week. "Don't pull on my dress!" he would say. Also he loves to pray and says probably 75% of our family prayers. I wish he would pray to find the toilet each night when he needs to go during the night. He has now peed in an empty drawer and the end of his bed. (This is a 6 month time span between though) JJ is doing so great on his new bike it's hard to remember when he couldn't figure out how to do it. But he's strong enough now, and he can steer fairly well while pedaling. You can tell he's concentrating more on the pedaling though when we say "Turn left a little before you hit the bumper of that car! Don't make us tell you the stories again about Daddy's bad luck with cars!" He has been starting some involuntary eye brow movements and constant blinking lately. We had his eyes checked, so I'm not sure what that's all about. We upped his melatonin dose because he's been getting up so early again lately.

Some of you saw the funny picture of us riding the roller coaster on our blog, and I must say that JJ actually keeps asking if he can ride the scary "Kracken" roller coaster at Sea World. I'm sure he's not tall enough anyway, but those of you worried he was scarred for life can be put at ease. We love Sea World! Dave's company got us day passes that we upgraded for the year. We are so glad we waited on buying any theme park passes! Because now we get to go all year for such a cheap price. At dinnertime JJ he is our announcer for good news and bad news minute. We all talk about something good and bad that happened that day. He usually starts out with "ladies and gentleman!" like a true circus ring leader. He asked me where is heaven yesterday, and why was Joseph Smith Martyred. Was it the lamanites?! He loves Deal or no Deal. Especially saying "NO DEAL!" And last but not least wants a baby in his tummy.

Rachel has been enjoying singing very much lately. We are working on a more subtle vibrato and volume, and cutting off when the director cuts you off. She is definitely improving and will be a lovely singer one day I'm sure. She's also been having nightmares lately this past week. She told me it was the same one, and was too scared to tell me about it the other night because she didn't want to have the same dream again when she fell asleep. Rachel, scared? This was a rare thing. So we put on the primary cd and the lights and had a special prayer. Apparently it worked last night no nightmare. Hopefully they'll go away. Rachel loves to take her turn to read during scripture study, and loves to read in general. She loves riding her bike and playing outside. She loves doing kung fu (inspired by kung fu panda) mostly with Daddy, because I promptly move out of the way when it begins. She got all satisfactory's on her last report card which I'd love to rub in the face of that charter school that thought she would struggle. Take that! She got some new cute clothes from Santa, and a light bright. I think the robotic dog was her favorite though. We aren't ready for the real deal yet.

So here's wishing you all a happy new year and we are excited some of you have come to your senses and bought plane tickets to Orlando! Love, Jen, Dave, Rachel and JJ

Thanksgiving on the Farm

We are so happy we went to NY for Thanksgiving. What a trip. We had several days with grandma and grandpa and cousins, and also got to see DC and NYC. I'm not sure we'll ever top this one. We followed what felt like the entire country back home in traffic, but it was well worth it. Here are some photos. I will write more details about the trip on my family's blog.